by Pam Parish

This one is very easy to say but much harder to do. As parents, if we’re teaching our children the values of being honest, respecting others, obeying authority, having a relationship with God, etc.. we must be willing to model those same values in our own lives. The motto, “Do as I say but not as I do.” may sound reasonable enough, but it simply isn’t reality. Your children learn from watching you and, whether you realize it or not, they are watching your actions far more consistently than they’re listening to your words.

Here’s a type of conversation that happens in hundreds of families on a consistent basis:

The family is sitting at the dinner table or in the car on the way out to eat….
Husband to Wife, “How was your day today?”
Wife to Husband, “Oh, it was fine. How was yours?”
Husband to Wife, “It was good. I tell you what though, my boss Don is an idiot. Just today, I was minding my own business, trying to finish an urgent report that he needed, when Sue from Customer Service stopped by to ask me how to handle a difficult client situation, I was trying to help her solve her situation when Don came by and told me that I needed to refocus on the report because he needed it ASAP - I got so mad. I mean, what nerve, embarrassing me in front of a colleague. I knew he wanted the report urgently and I would have gotten back to it, but Sue needed my help too. Oh, I finished his report alright and when I took it to him, I slammed it on his desk, he needed to know that he was in the wrong for calling me out like that.”
Wife to Husband, “I’m sorry honey, tomorrow will surely be better. Don knows you’re a good employee, he couldn’t run the business without you. Oh, by the way, that reminds me, you should ask Jimmy about the note we received from the school today.”
Father to Son, “Jimmy, what note is your mother talking about?”
Son to Father, “It’s a note from my teacher, Dad, got in trouble at school today.”
Father to Son, “Oh yeah? Go on…”
Son to Father, “Well, we were in the middle of our class work assignment and Bobby needed help on a question that he was stuck on. I was finished, so I was trying to help him understand the teacher’s instructions. Well, just then Mr. Mason looked up and said, ‘Jimmy, you were instructed to keep quiet during the class work time, if you’re able to have a conversation then you must be finished with your work bring it to the front to turn in and return to your seat quietly.’ I got mad and stomped to the front of the class and turned in my paper on his desk and said, ‘There, I was done anyway.’ He talked to me after class and told me that my behavior was disrespectful and that I should have been obeying the rules anyway. I told him that I was only trying to help a classmate and he said that it didn’t matter, it was still breaking rules and that he was going to have to send a note home to you.”
Father to Son, “Son, how many times have we told you that you are in school to learn and that you have to respect your teachers and honor their authority? I’m really getting tired of having to talk to you about these issues. Look, I don’t want to ruin dinner, so your mom and I will discuss your consequences later this evening. Tomorrow, I need you to apologize to Mr. Mason. Got it?”
Son to Father, “Yes, Dad, I’ve got it.”
Husband to Wife, “How many times are we going to have to deal with this with him? I just don’t get it, we’ve taught him better.”

Do you see what happened here? Yeah, mom and dad have taught Jimmy the ‘rules’ of being respectful and obeying authority, but the example that Dad is setting is exactly the opposite. And, take my word for it, your children know when you’re being hypocritical and it creates a distrust in you as a person. Our kids have to be able to trust and respect us as individuals who they can look up to as examples. When they can do that, our words have much more weight and authority in their lives.

Be prepared, you will be tested in front of your children, and they will notice if you fail to follow your own rules. You can do it - practice what you preach!!! Your children will have a much greater respect for your rules when they see that not only do you, as an adult, still have to follow them, but that you actually do! As an added benefit, they’ll respect you more too!