by Pam Parish

I ran across a great article over at Parenting.com about 5 Parenting Myths that really deserve a second look. Honestly, when I first saw a few of them - I totally agreed with some of the myths - until, I dug a little deeper. Let’s take a look…

Myth #1 - You know your child better than anyone.

My first thought was, “Well, of course this is true, isn’t it?” I mean, come on, no one really knows my kids but me. I know their strengths, their weaknesses, what they like to eat, what they don’t, how neat they are, what hobbies they enjoy…..I can totally go on….. What I discovered as I accepted the invitation to look at the “Bigger Picture” was that, although that myth ’sounds’ good - it’s far from the truth. And, it’s a myth that every parent needs to destroy. We really can’t afford to assume that everything that there is to know about our kids is that easily accessible. We have to take the time to consider that our kids may be different in social situations such as school, church and play dates than we’re accustomed to seeing them at home with the family. And, not only do we have to shift our thinking to acknowledge that we may not know what we don’t know, but we also have to realize that there may be others - teachers, friends, other parents - who have knowledge of our kids from other situations that we just simply don’t have. For our children’s sakes, we have to be willing to invest the time and effort into researching, listening, learning and trusting the insights of others.

Myth #2 - You can shape your child’s personality.

Ok, I totally realize that this is a huge issue for many parents. Lots and lots of people buy into this myth and believe that if they work hard enough, are consistent enough and create the right “opportunities” they can help their shy child become as cute and outgoing as the neighbor down the street, or the talkative child be as quiet and proper as the little girl at church. While, as parents, our styles of parenting, our family influences and our instructive discipline are all valuable in helping to shape our children. We can’t forget that they have a unique personality that will be with them for life - it’s in our best interest, and theirs, if we help them shape themselves according to the strengths of their God-given personality. It’ll be more fun and fruitful for all of us.

Myth #3 - The more time you spend with your child, the better adjusted they will be.

I can’t tell you how many parents that I know that are on one end of the spectrum or the other on this myth. Either they believe whole heartedly that by staying home and spending every spare minute of their time with their children that they’re giving them the best possible chance at life - or, that because they have to go off to work and leave their kids at a daycare they’re doing irrevocable harm to them. It really isn’t that simple and we have to realize that, as the Parenting.com article puts it, “kids aren’t fragile flowers.” The resiliency of children is simply amazing and as long as you are entrusting your kids to nurturing, loving caregivers that provide love, safety and an opportunity for them to grow, your kids will turn out fine. As with the previous myth, you might actually be surprised at how they flourish and the strengths you discover.

Myth #4 - You are your child’s best role model.

This myth puts a lot of pressure on so many parents who believe that if they aren’t the super-go-getter at work, the perfect ‘martha stewart’ cook, the church’s best volunteer or the best sports dad in the neighborhood that they’re children won’t grow up successful. It’s great to show your kids how to be responsible in life by providing real-life examples from your own personal experience, but the danger with this myth is that it pushes many parents into over-performance which causes them to be tired and not have any of themselves left to give to quality family experiences that create lasting memories. The bottom line on this myth is that your kids are much more likely to remember the afternoon you spent with them in the park teaching them how to fly a kite than they are the multitude of toys and electronics you can buy because of your 80-hour work weeks. Take a breath, be yourself. Your kids will appreciate it.

Myth #5 - You owe your child the best things.

Ok - now we’re treading on dangerous ground - careful, there are mine-fields all around. . Maybe we should start a new group “Over Indulgent Parents Anonymous (OIPA)”, “Hi, I’m Pam, and I’m an Over Indulgent Parent.” All joking aside, this is an uber-serious problem in America. A problem which I find myself guilty as an offender. We just can’t help ourselves, the toy aisle is so tempting, oh and that new Elmo - have you seen him?, the new video iPod is a must have, and the Wii - WEEEEEEE need one! Seriously, we all do it. But, what we have to realize is that it isn’t teaching our kids how to have patience, to want something and work hard to earn it, to accept the fact that we don’t get everything we want in life and just in general to appreciate what they do have as enough (and, yes, for most kids, it’s enough). There was a startling statistic in this article, “66 percent of American parents believe that their kids equate self-worth with what they own” Hopefully, I don’t have to be the one to tell you that this is dangerous. We have to teach our kids that life isn’t easy. I’d much rather my kids learn that lesson while they live under my loving roof than to watch them learn it the hard way as an adult, with possible dire consequence.

I’m thinking about it….are you?