by Pam Parish

This is a major paradigm shift for many parents, but it’s critical. It doesn’t matter what age your children are, you have to parent from the perspective of the adult that they will one day become. Our daughters are pre-teens and we have to adjust our parenting style to recognize their growing independence and need for new freedoms, but it’s not the pre-teen that we’re parenting - it’s the women that they’re growing into. We tell our girls all the time, “We aren’t parenting the 12/11 year-old that you are right now, we’re parenting the adult that you are one day going to be.” When you see it this way, it changes how you view the importance of what you’re doing today.

By viewing our parenting as molding adults, we don’t tolerate or accept a lot of the behaviors that are often associated with “that’s just how pre-teens… teens… etc..” are. If our daughters have a problem with lying, we address it quickly, because I’d rather deal with it now than ignore it or accept it and let them grow up with a problem that hinders their lives as adults. If they have an issue with respect, we ask them, “When you’re an adult, do you think your husband or boss will accept disrespect? or do you think it might cost you your marriage or your job?” I would much rather challenge them now, and even make them mad at me from time to time, then to have them mad at me later, as adults, when they’re lives are messed up and filled with disappointment and they wonder why never prepared them for it.

You see, it’s critically important that we think about the adults that they will one day become because I don’t want to wake up one day and the opportunities to help them craft their futures are behind us. They have tremendous potential - it’s our job to help them understand that and be the best individuals that they can be.